The Eldest Sister Syndrome

Our desi society is very true to its culture. We as a society have set pre-requisites for our children, women and men. Unfortunately, most of these prerequisites are often generational barriers and hinder our everyday lives. One such generational curse is that of the elder sister syndrome.  The eldest sister syndrome is so prevalent in our society that so many young females deal with this every day. Call it the fault of desi parents or a cultural condition, the eldest sister syndrome is there, and it’s not good. 

What Is The Eldest Sister Syndrome? 

We have seen that recently many eldest sisters have taken to social media to lament about their experiences which have been coined as the “eldest sister syndrome”. Eldest sister syndrome is a typical syndrome. Something common among eldest daughters or sisters. 

To explain the eldest sister syndrome, let’s take an example of that. Let’s paint a picture of that: the eldest daughter or a sister is a typical person who plays an important role in the family. She isn’t someone who is just important but she is rather someone, who must bind the entire family together.

The eldest sister is typically someone who feels she has a responsibility to care for everyone. The eldest sister syndrome includes extreme perfectionism where the eldest daughter or the sister feels like she has to outdo every time. She struggles with extreme scrutiny as she is the firstborn. The eldest sister syndrome is not a psychiatric diagnosis, it is an often unconscious family role that many girls inherit as the oldest child. 

Signs Of The Eldest Sister Syndrome

There are many signs that you as the eldest daughter or sister might be struggling with it, but these are some very prominent ones; 

1. You Take Everything On Your Shoulders

One of the most prominent signs of the eldest sister syndrome. As the eldest sister, you try to take responsibility for everything. If something not going right, you take responsibility. If your younger brother is not well, you worry about that. If your mother is going you care for your younger siblings as the most responsible child. As a responsible eldest daughter, you make sure that everyone around you is happy. 

2. You Are Bob The Builder 

You are more than Bob the Builder, while Bob the Builder only fixes buildings, you try to fix generational barriers and everyone around. Another very prominent symptom of the eldest sister syndrome is that you try to fix everyone, you try to fix your parent’s financial problems. You as the eldest sister try to fix your sibling’s emotional traumas. You work so hard on fixing others that you often forget to fix yourself. 

3. You Try To Be Miss Perfect

3. The eldest sister just doesn’t hear, it affects you so much that you tru to be top-notch everywhere. As the eldest sister, since you are always scrutinised and criticised it puts extra pressure on you. The pressure to do more and good for your family. 

4. You’re A People’s Pleaser 

Look at you miss people pleaser, making everyone feel welcomed and comfortable while you feel uncomfortable. As the eldest sister, you tend to please and make everyone happy. Since you are always someone who is looked up to, you try to come to everyone’s expectations. 

5. You Struggle With Self-identity
   

   

The eldest sister syndrome affects you personally. It takes a toll on you when you please everyone but amidst all that you lose yourself. As the eldest sister, you make sure everyone is happy but you don’t make yourself happy. You listen to everyone, but you don’t listen to yourself. Amidst all this, your own identity is lost. 

How To Overcome The Eldest Sister Syndrome

While it may be hard to break the generational curse of being the eldest here are a few practices that you can do to combat the infamous elder sister syndrome; 

• Learn to care of yourself
• Lean on to your support system 
• Learn to set your boundaries 
• Know when to seek boundaries